my lil’ bitty heart is about to explode into rainbows and kittens,
and my Tumblr’s been looking an awful lot like a diary lately.
Sometimes my heart does this thing where it sees the brokenness in someone else, and it kinda tears me apart tracing all of their heartaches until, before I know, it I’ve spent half an hour dwelling on another persons problems, and am now all teary-eyed and cradling myself because its hard to breathe, and all I want to do is scoop them up and tell them how beautiful they are and that everything is going to be okay because I love them very, very much
My lil bitty nose
Given the opportunity to write about your life, what would you title your memoir?
“How about, Don’t Take Life Too Seriously.”
“Nice! What kinds of stories would be in it?”
“Really embarrassing stories about myself.”
“Can you tell us one? I want the most embarrassing story that you’re willing to put on the Internet.”
“Oh, that’s fine. This might not be the most embarrassing, but it’s definitely up there. Well, my brother got married, right? And I was his best man and I was only sixteen/seventeen at the time and I was just a punk kid; I didn’t care about much. And for months my parents, and my brother, were like,
‘Hey, you gotta write a best man speech, you gotta write a best man speech,’ and I was like, ‘I got it, I got it, I got it, don’t worry.’
Fast-forward to about two days before the wedding and my mom was like, ‘Have you written one?’
‘No, not yet.’
And the day before the wedding: she was like, ‘Have you written one?!’
And I was like, ‘Nah, it’ll come from the heart; it’ll be sweeter that way’ – mainly, I just didn’t want to do it.
So, anyway, it gets to be wedding time and they get married, and it’s really nice, and it’s time for my best man speech and I was like, ‘Alright, here we go.’
So I walk up there, give a little toast and say, ‘Congratulations to the new, happily married couple!’ Everyone claps and stuff.
And my brother…y’know, I grew up with him, so I was like – his name is Duncan – so I go, ‘Me and Duncan, we’ve lived together and I’ve known him…my whole life…um, we shared a room for a while…we won’t really get into that…’
And so my mind just goes completely blank and I end up sitting up there for about half an hour, I kid you not. I thought it was only five minutes, but everyone else said it was about half an hour. And I was taking sips of my water, y’know, just trying to do comedic timing. It was awful. But, at the very end, I was thinking, ‘Say something, say something, say something,’ and the phrase, ‘Live long and prosper’ popped into my head and I thought, ‘Oh, that sounds good!’ And so I said, ‘To Duncan and Lori, I hope you live long…’
…and I started to say it and halfway through I realized, ‘Oh wait, that’s from Star Trek, I don’t want to say that…I don’t wanna be a dork.’ So all that came out of my big, dumb head was, ‘I hope you guys live long…I hope you live long.’ It was really awkward.”
Fun Fact: He plays accordion for a band called The Oh Hello’s. Check them out here https://www.facebook.com/theohhellos
Here he is, y’all
Here is the goob
What a gem
It feels like I’m having to wade across a waist-deep lake of maple syrup to get from point A to point B.
Worst of all,
it’s not nearly as delicious as it sounds like it should be.